Pema Chodron seems to find me and my shenpa when I need her most. "Vulnerability comes in many guises. We may feel off balance, as if we don’t know what’s going on. We may feel lonely or depressed or angry. Most of us want to avoid emotions that make us feel vulnerable... But if instead of thinking of these feelings as bad, we could think of them as road signs or barometers, then we would see the feelings for what they really are: an open doorway to freedom from suffering, the path to our deepest well-being and joy. We have a choice." tricycle.org/magazine/fundamental-ambiguity-being-human/ "So the challenge is to notice the emotional tug of shenpa when it arises and to stay with it for one and a half minutes without the storyline. Can you do this once a day, or many times throughout the day, as the feeling arises? This is the challenge. This is the process of unmasking, letting go, opening the mind and heart." How will you practice being the Curious Observer in your own life?
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“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” ― Jon Kabat-Zinn Lifestyle change calls on us to first imagine ourselves in a state of enhanced wellness and then step out of our comfort zones and into the unknown. We embark with high hopes and positive intention, but more often than not, find ourselves stuck in inertia. Why does this keep happening and what can we do to navigate the slippery slope with greater ease? “Perhaps I just need more willpower,” I used to say to myself. With more willpower, surely I could overcome these urges to block negative emotions with food. Or, if I were a more confident, disciplined person, I could prevent these thoughts from undermining my good intentions. Why did I feel so powerless to change my life? Once the unaware queen of self-sabotage, these are the kinds of things I used to say to myself, over and over until my inner critic had eroded my positive, can-do frame of mind. I got quite good at it, this misguided, draining self-talk. Why was it that I was better able to allow my kids and others their “learning space,” but denied myself the same latitude of imperfection? How was this self-judgment serving me? Eventually, I realized it was just a cleverly disguised hiding place that wasn’t serving me at all. In fact, it consistently undermined my best efforts and felt exhausting. I needed a new approach. After more than a decade of exploring, learning, and practice, a wellness recipe is emerging in my life. While not all of these ingredients may work in your recipe, a few of them may resonate or inspire your own discovery. 1. Observing Myself with Kindness and Curiosity Our mindsets frame our ongoing inner dialogue, which influences how we interpret and inventory our day-to-day experiences. Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology at Stanford University and a leading motivation researcher, teaches us that a “fixed mindset” presumes that our character, intelligence, and abilities are static and unchangeable, and our success is measured against these innate qualities. In this fixed mindset, avoiding failure preserves our sense of being smart or competent. In contrast, a “growth mindset” invites challenge and views failure as an opportunity for practice and expansion. It kindles an ongoing appetite for compassionate learning instead of a hunger for outside approval. With a growth mindset, our creativity and intelligence can be cultivated and integrated through effort and practice. A “progress over perfection” mindset sets the stage for our learning to thrive, and this has become my new mantra for wholehearted living. Self-monitoring and self-compassion enhance my growth while self-judgment does not. There is a fine line between sitting with a negative thought and allowing it to take over. To thwart this “takeover,” I am becoming the Curious Observer in my own life. If I notice myself moving into self-blame, I simply ask myself, “How does this self-talk serve me?” If I discover a space filled with fear or anxiety, I do my best to acknowledge, label, and reframe any distorted thoughts. I can also physically move to another place, or go for a brisk walk to help change the channel in my mind. Growth mindset is a choice. 2. Practicing Tiny Habits Stanford behavior scientist BJ Fogg’s format for Tiny Habits reminds me that, rather than relying on willpower for long-term change, we adopt new mental shortcuts one small step at a time through identifying existing triggers (or anchors), repeated practice, and celebration. Starting with a small, achievable goal allows for gradual integration and incremental feelings of success and well-being. Using his format, “After I (existing habit), I will (new tiny behavior),” I decided to add tricep dips to my daily routine by anchoring them to my existing habit of using my laptop. Now, each time I close my laptop, I do 5 tricep dips, followed by a little fist pump, “Yes!” A “cousin” of S.M.A.R.T. (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Rewarding, Time-bound) Goal Setting, connecting new tiny habits to existing ones feels effortless and gratifying, and supports my overarching goal of improved fitness. Brick-by-brick, they reinforce the foundation of my new healthier lifestyle. Breaking up a macro goal into achievable micro goals creates bite-size pieces that enable me to feel successful one step at a time. And, each time I feel successful, my confidence and can-do mindset expand. 3. Normalizing Ups and Downs Anticipating that my mood and mindset may shift beneath my feet allows me some wiggle room as I continue learning ways to shift my lifestyle. To be resilient and set myself up for success, I expect hills and valleys, mentally rehearse common scenarios (places I’ve slipped before), and use my Mindset Rescue Toolbox. It contains tools like: ✔️ Creating a Purposeful Pause: Stop, Breathe, Reflect ✔️ Doing a short body scan*, meditation, or some yoga to shift the energy in my mind and body ✔️ Cultivating positive thoughts by being in gratitude** ✔️ Asking someone I trust to be my Mindset Monitoring Co-Pilot (lending some objectivity to my subjective experience) *Mindfully connecting to how your physical body feels, gently from head to toe **Based on Brother David Steindl-Rast’s question of whether happiness spawns gratitude or gratitude spawns happiness 4. Embracing the Vulnerability of Identity Change Let’s face it – stepping outside our comfort zones doesn’t feel so good at first. Most of us prefer the routine and familiarity of the regular habits we already have in place. So, how do creatures of habit like us get better at adapting to change? First off, by accepting that temporary discomfort and identity shift are normal, vulnerable parts of human development. From a biological standpoint, our primitive brains interpret stress as a “perceived threat” (like running from a bear), which means we’re actually hard-wired to avoid stress. However, if we can learn to transform negative, situational stress into positive stress, or “eustress,” it can give us an extra burst of adrenaline to boost mental alertness and help us accomplish our goals. Years ago, a coach mentor shared with me, “Be curious – find what’s right about what’s wrong.” With this in mind, I look to discover the opportunity in any challenge and embrace this eustress – to take a risk. Learning to distinguish the beneficial from the toxic stress not only softens my risk averse tendencies, but also fuels my motivation and gradual acceptance of New-and-Improved-Me. While it may be easier to sidestep the risk of change, I’m curious enough to move forward and find out what New-Me feels like. Managing my mindset with practical strategies and wholeheartedness enables me to recognize my primal instinct to run from the discomfort of change and then decide to stay anyway. What’s in your recipe? Are you curious to find out? Originally published: https://blog.preventnow.com/2016/09/02/managing-mindset-a-wellness-recipe/ References: Dweck C.S. Change Your Mindset: First Steps. Mindset.http://mindsetonline.com/changeyourmindset/firststeps/. Published 2006. Accessed August 2016. TED. Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability [Video]. TED. https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en. Published June 2010. Accessed August 2016. TED. David Steindl-Rast: Want to be happy? Be grateful [Video]. TED. https://www.ted.com/talks/david_steindl_rast_want_to_be_happy_be_grateful?language=en. Published June 2013. Accessed August 2016. TED. Kelly McGonigal: How to make stress your friend [Video]. TED. http://www.ted.com/talks/kelly_mcgonigal_how_to_make_stress_your_friend?language=en. Published June 2013. Accessed August 2016. TEDx. Forget big change, start with a tiny habit: BJ Fogg at TEDxFremont [Video]. TED. http://tedxtalks.ted.com/video/Forget-big-change-start-with-a. Published August 21, 2013. Accessed August 2016. Do you feel hopeless at times, that you can't ever seem to get a break or that other people just don't understand your life? Of course, no one other person can ever know the shoes you walk in or the pain you feel. While each person's life circumstances are unique, we also know that much of our pain is self-inflicted. What I have learned from my own struggles and from the work I do with others is this: if we are not willing to accept our flaws and embrace our humility, if we are not willing to truly invest in ourselves and replace destructive habits with life-affirming ones, we cannot move out of the struggle. The fast-paced culture we live in does little to help us feel our ONENESS with all people. In fact, it does quite the opposite, by encouraging competition and drama. And so, a very real effort is needed to shield ourselves from the cultural trappings by which we can, at times, feel so consumed.
Our EGO is a very powerful force – it exists to allow us to develop a separate identity because our present society encourages it. When we entered this world, most of us felt at one with other people and with Love. Then slowly, beginning with our own name, we become conditioned by our family and our culture to develop a separate identity, our Ego. We were taught to be good girls and boys, which would earn us approval, but which also quietly eroded our sense of oneness and unconditional love. We learned to compete for attention and love, forgetting that we are essentially precious and good. Slowly over time, our sense of personal power was replaced with Fear – fear that we might not be good enough, smart enough, attractive enough. In Marianne Williamson's A Return to Love, Reflections of the Principles of A Course in Miracles, she writes, “The Ego is quite literally a fearful thought .. our entire network of fearful thoughts, all stemming from that first false belief in our separation from God and one another, is called the ego. Thought separated from love is a profound miscreation. It's our own power turned against ourselves.” And, Eckhart Tolle tells us “anyone who is identified with their mind and, therefore, disconnected from their true power, their deeper self rooted in Being, will have fear as their constant companion.” For most people, they are so lost in their Ego world that they have no idea they have disconnected from their consciousness. Consumed by Fear and Self-identification, it is virtually impossible to shift toward Love, because our Ego is so busy preserving the status quo. The status quo may not be one that supports our best potential, but because it is familiar, it is to be protected no matter the cost. When this happens and we are consumed by our fears, we often turn to victimizing our Selves by blaming others for our pain (to assume any personal responsibility would jeopardize the Ego we worked so hard to protect). This is a trap, which unfortunately our culture supports. The more we identify with our Ego, the more restless we become and the more we attempt to resolve the restlessness through more attachments, such as material consumption, toxic chatter or self-deprecation. If instead, we move past our Ego and see how we are all ONE massive life force, many of our fears are stripped of their power over us. “By making this pattern conscious, by witnessing it, you dis-identify from it. In the light of your consciousness, the unconscious patter will then quickly dissolve. This is the end of all arguments and power games, which are so corrosive to relationships. Power over others is weakness disguised as strength. True power is within, and it is available to you now.” Eckhart Tolle Observing the Ego is our gateway to awareness of and then release of Self. This requires a good deal of practice, as identification with the Ego has become so habitual in adulthood. Be the quiet Observer in your own life and watch where this takes you. Each time you find yourself stuck in attachments, simply sit in this new awareness. Eventually, begin to disentangle your Beingness from your Ego-identification and you may notice some remarkable things in the ways you feel. Just because you were once robbed of the pure love and innocence you arrived with, does not suggest that you are not absolutely capable of reclaiming it. Release Ego and Embrace Love – it is Who You Are. Ever get to the end of your day and know that, while you checked some things off “the list”, you still lack any true sense of satisfaction or accomplishment? Ever have a mishap because you weren't “paying attention”? This can be the consequence of “Accidental Living” or not Living with Intention. To-Do lists are great, but how do they encompass our sense of purpose or vision? And, while it's not reasonable to expect every minute to be purpose-driven, perhaps we each could feel a bit more fulfilled if we injected more consistent intention into our daily living.
To live with intention is to depart from your comfort zone, that mindless, habitual state of unconsciousness that is more doing than being. Eckhart Tolle says “What a liberation to realize that the 'voice in my head' is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that.” Be the one who sees your life. Notice the who of you, cultivate that relationship and choose a direction. This could be a goal, a lifestyle, or a higher setting on your spiritual dial. Be the chooser. Observe that the very act of envisioning and connecting with your intention has as much value as the action steps that will take you there. Imagining your new landscape is the first step toward making it so. Then, engage in consistent affirmation to sustain your commitment to your intention. Affirmations illuminate value, rewire our confidence and project positive energy into our reality. One place to start is the first 15 to 30 minutes of your day. Sit quietly in a peaceful spot before the “house wakes up” and ask yourself “What is my Intention today?” Perhaps it is to live each moment with extra kindness toward others; maybe it is to be a more attentive listener, or a more available parent. It could be that your intention is to be more inward-focused or more social. Your intention could be to speak more softly, be less reactive, practice deep breathing. Or, it might be to listen to your inner voice, tap into your intuition, and keep your heart open to the rainbow of possibilities in your life. When we set an intention for the day, it invites our Spiritual Warrior to show up and have a voice. Intention has some of the qualities of an agenda, but with a wider lens and a deeper vibration. Like any new habit, this will take practice to begin to feel more natural. Simply do your best to exercise your Intentional Muscle with some regularity. The more often you set daily intentions, the more naturally it will become a part of your familiar rhythm. So, the next time you head to that staff meeting you don't typically enjoy, the next time you feel the reaction to your teenager's disrespectful, indifferent tone, the next time you commit to a project or goal, sit and linger inside your intention a touch longer. Not too long that you resist action but just long enough for your intentional barometer to rise a bit higher. Allow your intention to percolate and trust in the process of practice. Good Intention → Good habits → Good Intention. It's a choice; it's YOUR CHOICE. "I appreciate when you..." by Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt, May 2011
Our lives are but an accumulation of moments. The way we live tomorrow, next week, and next year will be the product of what we are doing right now. If we are critical and angry toward our partner today or too busy to share a connecting moment, we are spending the currency of our lives unwisely. Our relationships have the power to transform our lives. This transformation occurs not with the wave of a magic wand, but through the daily accumulation of small acts building to a critical mass that we end up labeling a "life" or a "relationship." In a conscious relationship we intentionally design actions that move us closer to our goals. Each day matters, since the whole can never be greater than the sum of its parts. Appreciation expressed clearly today, or the time spent in idle chatter, is giving weight and definition to your life. Remember to share an appreciation to your partner today and every day. As human beings, we tend to notice that self-expression is a vehicle for many parts of who we are. Whether it be art in all its forms, singing, dancing, writing, speaking, drama, debate, poetry, or everyday body language, our need to express our thoughts, feelings and insights is an innately human quality.
Writing in one's own personal journal is a terrific mode of self-expression. A journal is the non-judgmental friend from which we can all benefit. It is a safe place for us to express what we authentically think and feel. A journal can be short or long, focused or free-thinking, a place to hold our memories or explore our goals. It is a place to find clarity, purpose, curiosity, understanding, and compassion for self and others. It is a place to process our anger, our resentment and our fears. It offers spring cleaning and fresh perspective to a cluttered mind. Journaling is the ideal partner when we need to connect more intimately with our inner selves. It also helps to integrate our inner and outer worlds. It can be a quiet place for reflective thought and peaceful solitude, or a more playful place for light musings or even laughing at ourselves. In our journals, we can tap into our creativity, manage our emotions and exercise our mental muscle. We can process and relieve stress, heal the past and learn to self-regulate. Just the act of putting our ideas pen-to-paper allows a rich unfolding of possibilities that we may not have otherwise observed. Sometimes, it just feels good to write uncensored. Over time, a journal becomes a record of the way we have evolved in thoughts and ideas. Journaling is a terrific way to capture, process and revisit our life stories, both as they're unfolding and also as a means of reinterpreting the past with a renewed vision or more mature filter. We can take a look back at how we felt and expressed ourselves in the past, which helps us to mix and assimilate all the different parts of our lives into a more unified and congruent whole. So, if you have never tried journaling before or it's been a while and yours needs to be dusted off, consider this addition to your daily routine. You might be pleasantly surprised with the results! Start Agitating
By Juliane Poirier (Norman Solomon on getting out there and doing something) "We need to become agitators," says Norman Solomon, Marin County activist and co-creator of the Green New Deal for the North Bay. "It's the agitator that gets the dirt out in the washing machine," he explains, borrowing an analogy from Jim Hightower. Solomon sees the wash cycle as a good behavior model for those of us who avoid political activism in favor of safe and lazy pondering over how much trouble the world is in right now. It's such a hassle to get involved with strangers and go to meetings. Can't we just whine to our friends about corporate greed and corruption in the comfort of our own homes? We can, at high cost. "So much is at stake for future generations and for the planet," declares Solomon, "that we need to be willing to organize as if our lives and the lives of those close to us depended on it." For Solomon, this means that as individuals and as communities we need to get more serious about our involvement with one another and with things we care about. "Getting involved is essential," says Solomon. "There's that saying, 'I'm not into politics.' I say, 'But politics is into you.' When you turn on the tap for a drink of water, that's politics." For those who turn off like a faucet at the mention of political activism, Solomon's approach may inspire willingness to open up and flow. The secret seems to be finding out how "agitating" looks for each individual. (I can just hear Garrison Keillor asking, "What are the shy folks supposed to do?") Agitating can be direct or it can be as uncomplicated as pursuing something we love with greater gusto than we ever have before. "One simple step," Solomon explains, "is to learn and to agitate." This means choosing something close to your heart, learning everything you possibly can about it and then becoming a source of information for others, the go-to font of knowledge in your neighborhood or community. "People get afraid that they will have to do something they don't want to do. Everyone is different, and it's important that everybody engage at their level of passion and interest and capacity." Can political involvement be something more uplifting than a dose of corporate-sponsored news each night? "People look at the news and are depressed, but activists tend to be less depressed," Solomon says. "There's something so enlivening that happens when you share your thoughts and feelings and ideas with others—people inspiring because of who they are." A critical byproduct of all this social agitation is a changed relationship with power. "'Power' is a word that causes a lot of ambivalence," says Solomon. "For progressives, we need power to shape the future instead of just having it created for us. I know we will not like it if it is created by the most powerful forces that exist right now." Referencing what one beloved agitator, the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., called the paralysis of analysis, Solomon says we need to stop pondering and get out and do something, and as a consequence, we "get to find out what we are capable of." He believes that sinking roots more deeply into the communities where we live is part of a broad social movement that can take on corporate power. "These roots already exist," says Solomon. And because these roots feed the community in various ways, as we learn to become agitators, we allow ourselves to be more extensively nurtured by roots that already exist. "Everyone cares about something," Solomon says. "Learn about it and agitate about it. If you care about it and you want things to get better, then you get with your friends and your neighbors, and together you say we can get this done, yes we can turn this around. Si, se puede. There are reasons to be engaged, because it's about the future. It's a cliché, but it's true, that if the people will lead, the leaders will follow." What is at the root of our resistance to our best possible selves? Why is it that we seem to generate some pretty terrific ideas only to have them die in transit to action?
You know the story – you've got some thoughts swirling around in your mind about a topic for a compelling book you'd like to write or excitement with a new relationship that's taking off, musings about running for town council or a family relocation to some long-imagined exotic location. These thoughts feel exciting and inspiring … until they either come to a screeching halt or quietly slip away. Why does this sequence of events happen so frequently? Why do we end up resisting the very thing we long for? Enter the Lizard or Primitive Brain – our amygdala “fight-or-flight” center. The primary purpose of this part of the brain near the top of your spinal cord is survival. When doubt or fear creep into our thinking, it opens the door to the room where the lizard lies sleeping, sometimes just a tiny bit. But a little is all it takes to nudge the lizard brain awake. Those creative, innovative ideas that were just percolating in your neocortex are now at risk. Fear is almost always the trigger. It's a bit like having two brains that operate under opposing forces. The Lizard brain has an essential role (if you need to run from a T-rex) but can become a real barrier to positive life change. Because of its involvement in processing and storing emotional memories, it has the power to hijack or impede the thoughts and actions of the evolutionarily younger cerebrum. While our cerebral cortex is processing all sorts of cutting-edge ideas and contemplating risk, our lizard brain is trying to protect us and keep us safe. Unfortunately, our “safe zone” is not where personal growth takes place. So, what can we do? The challenge is to cultivate awareness of this phenomena and develop strategies to lull your lizard back to sleep when not truly needed. Be on the lookout for Shenpa, a Tibetan word for the urge or hook that triggers our habitual tendency to shut down. Think of shenpa as the lizard response. In a rather obscure way, we feel a tensing or tightening, a sense of withdrawing, self-rejection or shutting down. And, that tight feeling has the power to hook us into blame, anger, guilt, envy and other negative emotions that might sabotage our best efforts. We get hooked in that moment of tightening and often get stuck there. We could call the everyday experience of shenpa “that sticky feeling.” Tibetan teacher, Pema Chodron, tells us “Shenpa thrives on the underlying insecurity of living in a world that is always changing.” To get unhooked from the attachment of Shenpa, to tame our lizard fear that is trying to keep us safe but is actually getting in the way, we begin by recognizing that moment of unease and learning to relax in that moment. If we can see shenpa just as we're starting to close down, when we begin to notice the tightening, we might catch the urge to do the habitual thing, and refrain from doing it. The ability to recognize and label the lizard's presence is the first step. This awareness provides the knowledge to begin re-patterning our habits. Next, remind yourself that the lizard likes to release adrenaline into your bloodstream in preparation for fighting or fleeing. Instead of allowing the flood of adrenaline, relax by breathing slowly and deeply. Close your eyes if it helps. Use self-talk to tell yourself that you observe the shenpa and are choosing to release it. Since you've been conditioned into shenpa for many years, it will take some time to learn to avoid your well-worn path and relearn the new awareness and habits. Consistent practice is the key. We can restrain the "fight-or-flight" Lizard brain by counting blessings, committing to positive thoughts and acknowledging the beauty and love around us. Fear and self-protection sabotage our higher purpose but Gratitude tames fear. Just the posture of “being in gratitude” seems to disallow fear or anger because positive thoughts displace negative ones. The more you practice taming your lizard brain, the better you will become at sustaining consciousness and cerebral higher-level thinking that can move you forward in your life. Confronting our fear is less about pushing it away and more about acknowledging it for what it is and stripping it of its power. Of course, if you need your lizard brain to react to real, imminent danger, by all means let it do its all-important job. But, most often the sense of danger or fear is a misperception, a distorted amygdala hijacking, and could be preventing a real growth opportunity. Survive or thrive – it's your choice. Positive Thoughts and Affirmations
We've all been there – we're moving along through our day, feeling relaxed and content, when our mind becomes overwhelmed or bombarded with negative thoughts. Or, we cross paths with someone vibrating negative energy. Or, we just wake up in a bad mood. What can we do? Your thoughts directly influence your attitude, mood and behavior. They have powerful energy and potential in how they guide our choices. Negative thoughts tend to generate pessimistic moods, hopeless attitudes, and unproductive behaviors. They are energy drains. On the other hand, positive thoughts cultivate positive actions which can lead to extraordinary outcomes. This is why it is so essential to keep your thoughts positive and focused on the things you want in life. The repetition of positive thoughts, or affirmations, has the capacity to change your mindset and help you create the life you envision. Positive affirmations are short, positive statements, expressed internally or externally, that help to re-pattern your self-talk and rewire your brain. They are designed to challenge negative beliefs and replace or re-frame them with self-nurturing beliefs. You can borrow affirmations others have written or create your own customized statements. Present tense affirmations are more powerful - short, clearly-stated affirmations are easiest to repeat and remember. For example, the affirmation “When I believe in myself, others will too.” or “I am worthy of goodness.”, when repeated consistently, slowly washes over the previously held negative, self-defeating thought or belief. The key to success is repetition. By repeating these positive thoughts again and again, you are rewiring your brain. “Brain cells that fire together wire together.” Consistent use of affirmations will actually help you to construct new neural pathways in your brain. Each one of our thoughts affirms an inner belief or truth. If we are constantly and subconsciously affirming with our self-talk, and this flow of perceptions and affirmations is filtering our reality in every moment, can we adjust our reality? Absolutely. Our beliefs have developed from learned thought patterns since childhood, some that work well for us, but others that could truly be working against us. These negative beliefs become dysfunctional and may be sabotaging our capacity to reach our potential. It is important to realize that many of these "inner truths" may not actually be true for us now or may be based on invalid or inappropriate impressions we absorbed as children, which, when examined later as an adult, can be exposed as irrelevant or untrue. Taming our Inner Critic can be a life-long goal, but gets easier and easier with consistent practice. When you hear that critical voice in your head, ask yourself: Is this helpful? Is it true? Where is this voice coming from? How is this voice serving me? If you now recognize the statement as untrue or self-sabotaging, choose a positive affirmation as a replacement for the negative message. Attempt to re-frame your messaging whenever you are able to notice it happening. It may be difficult at first, but with practice, it will get easier and easier. As you practice and improve your capacity to remain focused on the new positive thoughts, the old negative neural nets will fade away and the positive neural nets will strengthen and take root. This will make it easier for you to sustain a positive reality, which will enable you to launch your energy into the necessary action steps to reach your goals. Our thoughts are EVERYTHING. How are your thoughts serving YOU? For most of us, comfortable is the feeling we usually prefer and pursue. In fact, we spend much energy ensuring our comfort: we pay for heat and hot water, we eat when we're hungry, we sleep when we're tired. Most of our time is spent living within our Comfort Zones. Why? Well, for most of us, it's just easier to stay in a space of known versus unknown. We know what to expect, it's an assumed rhythm and it's a place where we feel relaxed and safe. All good things, right?
Yes, and No. The environment you create around you – the community and home where you live, the people you surround yourself with, what you spend your money on, your daily habits such as how you sleep, eat, dress or learn, the ways you interact - all of this gives a sense of security and comfort. The problem is, if you stay in your comfort zone all the time, you just can't grow into your best possible self. Why not challenge yourself to get uncomfortable once in a while? A little over a year ago, my partner and I had a very big choice to make. We had been living 3 hours apart in 2 different states for 4 years. We wanted to simplify our lives and were considering blending our families, but were also concerned about how our 5 children would be impacted by a relocation. For months and months, whenever we got close to a decision, we tabled it. "It might not work, it could even be a disaster, perhaps we should wait", we often thought. What if any one of the kids didn't transition well? How could I give up a job I loved in a down economy? What if the kids didn't like their new schools? What if, what if, what if... Then one day, it became clearer. The children's comments began to sound encouraging, and we paid more attention to what they were saying. This attention also helped us to hear our own voices more clearly. One day in early August, we had a family meeting and, surprisingly, everyone voted to move. We only had 3 weeks to prepare, sell the house, pack up our things and register 4 children into three new schools! Was there risk involved? Absolutely. Was it comfortable? Not at all. Was it worth the discomfort? No question in my mind. Anything worthwhile comes with risk. A new or ended career or romantic relationship, getting married, having a baby, moving to a new place, public speaking, or writing a book are all experiences that involve some amount of risk. We just can’t grow or achieve our goals without taking risks. And that means letting yourself be uncomfortable now and again. Feeling uneasy in a situation which is new, challenging, or off-balance is perfectly normal. We cannot expect to feel comfortable all the time. And, we cannot expect to grow without discomfort. That happens when we allow ourselves to stretch outside our comfort zone. So, find a way to put a little productive discomfort into your life. First, the next time an uncomfortable situation comes your way and you feel like running or resisting, don’t. Sit in your discomfort and simply acknowledge it. Breathe slowly and deeply and re-frame the fearful thoughts in your mind. Talk to yourself firmly but lovingly. Recognize the situation as an opportunity to challenge and evolve your potential. Of course, there’s a big difference between meeting a reasonable challenge and simply taking a foolish risk. Obviously, if you’re not a seasoned athlete, you may find yourself with a lot more than discomfort if you impulsively decide to enter a triathlon with a coworker. But, if you train your body and prepare yourself mentally, it's worth a try. Fear wears many disguises and it takes real courage to confront fear. Courage is not the absence of fear but the capacity to resist the control it exerts over your choices and actions. When we let ourselves get uncomfortable once in while, our courage grows. And that incremental growth of courage in small ways will allow us to face bigger challenges in the future. Look back and recall times in your life when you stepped out of your comfort zone. How did you do? How did it feel afterward? What did you learn? Now, consider the things that make you uncomfortable today and choose a new challenge for yourself. Start with something small. Or … Leap into the unknown! Dance, laugh, sing, jump, and have fun. Let your spirit soar! |
AuthorCertified Health and Lifestyle Coach, Sheryl Melanson, partners with people to transform limiting habits into mindful choices that express their values, create action plans and recalibrate their lifestyle to optimal well-being.
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