Blended Families
The choice to blend two separate families in remarriage is not an easy decision, but is a more common and accepted family design today. In most cases, it takes the new family unit several years to develop an accepted, fluid group dynamic in which each person feels comfortable in their new role. Having patience and reasonable expectations at the outset is essential.
A few tips to keep in mind:
1) Be careful to resist comparing a blended family to a traditional nuclear family. There will be different needs and challenges, so be ever mindful to customize your approach. No one-size-fits-all game plan here.
2) Be patient. Harmony is certainly not immediate, but it is a reasonable and attainable goal. Most children will initially resist and test the emerging framework of a new blended family - allow this to happen in its own way for each child. While some children will let you right into their world, many will keep you at arms length to protect themselves until they feel more secure.
3) Don't expect your new spouse to immediately love your children. Bonding takes time to develop naturally and happens best with no pressure. The biological parent is ordinarily less bothered by undesirable behavior of his or her own children than the step-parent, for example.
4) Be aware that your new spouse and his or her children come a prior family culture that may differ from your own. Roles, rules and norms may need to be re-established in the new blended family. There are some great books and other resources available online and in your local bookstore to help with this.
5) Hire a Coach to assist you in navigating the creation of this new family, facilitating healthy dialogue and conflict resolution. Sometimes, just having an experienced ear can make all the difference in sailing uncharted waters.
A few tips to keep in mind:
1) Be careful to resist comparing a blended family to a traditional nuclear family. There will be different needs and challenges, so be ever mindful to customize your approach. No one-size-fits-all game plan here.
2) Be patient. Harmony is certainly not immediate, but it is a reasonable and attainable goal. Most children will initially resist and test the emerging framework of a new blended family - allow this to happen in its own way for each child. While some children will let you right into their world, many will keep you at arms length to protect themselves until they feel more secure.
3) Don't expect your new spouse to immediately love your children. Bonding takes time to develop naturally and happens best with no pressure. The biological parent is ordinarily less bothered by undesirable behavior of his or her own children than the step-parent, for example.
4) Be aware that your new spouse and his or her children come a prior family culture that may differ from your own. Roles, rules and norms may need to be re-established in the new blended family. There are some great books and other resources available online and in your local bookstore to help with this.
5) Hire a Coach to assist you in navigating the creation of this new family, facilitating healthy dialogue and conflict resolution. Sometimes, just having an experienced ear can make all the difference in sailing uncharted waters.
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